The Exhibitionist Hotel, London – Quirky & Affordable

A few weeks ago, Ellie & I decided that as London travel bloggers, we should probably make more of an effort to check out London hotels. Neither of us had stayed at one for the past 25 years or so. When we saw an offer for The Exhibitionist Hotel, an upmarket boutique hotel in South Kensington, for £135, we booked ourselves in for one night in a standard double. That night was last night.

ROOMS AT THE EXHIBITIONIST HOTEL START FROM £125, SUITES FROM £275

During the season, the price goes up to well over £400. Larger-size (but still very small) doubles with balcony have a price range from £170 to well over £500. The suites range from £275 to well over £800. While the hotel is listed as five-star on booking websites and called five-star in previous independent reviews, in fairness, they do not mention five stars on their website. Perhaps they lost their fifth star when they permanently closed down their restaurant a few years ago.

 

All pics (c) BerkeleySqB.

THE EXHIBITIONIST HOTEL HAS A PRETTY GOOD LOCATION

Depending on your preferences, the location of the hotel can be considered anything between relatively convenient and perfect. We spend a lot of time in South Kensington, we simply love the area, the local eateries, the museums, the Royal Albert Hall, the proximity (15 minutes’ walk) to Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens. As a matter of fact, our church (I’m not Christian, but my wife is, so I join) is around the corner. Ellie in particular likes the proximity to Knightsbridge with department stores like Harrods and Harvey Nichols and Kensington High Street. Especially during the wisteria season, the picturesque mews in Kensington and nearby Chelsea are teeming with instagrammers. The large percentage of French residents bring a lot of flair to the area. Mayfair, St James’s, and Buckingham Palace are 45 minutes’ walk away, or two or three stops on the tube (plus some walking).

 

CHECK-IN AT THE EXHIBITIONIST HOTEL

The hotel is located in a marvellous 18th Century townhouse, five minutes’ walk from South Kensington tube station, a stone’s throw away from the Natural History Museum. It is next-door to the College of Psychic Studies, established 1884, which is dedicated to the training of future mediums. We arrived after work and dinner at around 7:15pm. The lobby with its over-the-top eclectic décor immediately took us in. Check-in was straightforward and the receptionist was very helpful and friendly. We took the small elevator, whose sides and ceiling are covered in astroturf (artificial lawn), up to the 2nd floor, then walked down the corridor with artful graffiti and a pink panther lurking out over the door on the far end, to get to our room, a standard double.

 

A LOT OF PLUSH RED SATIN

The short and low (2m long, 190cm high, so not enough for someone like me, who is 200cm tall) hallway via three steps at the end along a wall and a wardrobe behind which the spacious bathroom is located, leads to the tiny bedroom with a queen-size bed. We liked the oversized, stylish headboard, which was covered in red satin, and the red satin curtains. That said, other rooms of this hotel, which we’ve inspected online, had much more appealing orange, green, or blue colours.

 

“PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT YOU LOG OFF BEFORE YOU LEAVE.”

Unfortunately, the sockets are placed in inconvenient locations. For example, the sockets next to the bed are placed so closely behind the permanently fixed bedside table that they are rendered useless for USB multiports and even some bigger standard plugs. The TV was very user-unfriendly and it took us the best of 15 minutes to figure out how to use it. It turned out, that the previous guest had still been logged in, and we wish we wouldn’t have seen the websites he had left open.

There is a red warning sign on the flatscreen that reads “Please make sure that you log off before you leave.” However, clearly the room service is not checking if this has actually happened.

 

THE BED & THE BATHROOM AT THE EXHIBITIONIST HOTEL

Ellie wasn’t very keen on the bed, felt it was too soft. I did think it was rather on the soft side, but didn’t mind it too much. It certainly wasn’t particularly high quality or anything. The bathroom was overall rather impressive, with a large shower area that offered both a static rainfall shower and a removable showerhead behind a glass front with glass door. The walls behind the small but lovely bathtub and the sink were covered with slate tiles. There was no toilet brush.

 

COMPLIMENTARY SNACKS, BUT NO FRIDGE AT THE EXHIBITIONIST HOTEL

In the main room and in the bathroom there was lots of wear and tear as well as simple cases of bad craftsmanship by the builders, such as the tiles behind the sink not aligning with the top on which the sink had been placed. We liked that there were complimentary snacks and a Nespresso machine, but could have used a fridge. While there weren’t any thick layers of dust, you could tell that it had been a good couple of weeks since the chandelier or some of the other furniture had been dusted. Despite all that, the room felt reasonably comfortable and wasn’t a bad experience.

 

“IT IS NOT PERMITTED TO DECORATE YOUR OWN ROOM.”

Where The Exhibitionist really comes to shine, is the interior décor in the public seating area, the bar, and the corridors. I presume that the name of the hotel is both an allusion to the over-the-top décor and the people it might attract, as well as to the fact that the hotel does arrange art exhibitions in its public access areas. An art gallery replaces most of the artworks with new ones about once a month. Particularly popular artists are invited to leave a slightly more permanent mark. Professional decorators regularly update other parts of the décor. Many of the guests of the hotel, some clearly long-term residents, are so particular about their style, that the Exhibitionist found it necessary to include the following as the fourth of their eight house rules: “It is not permitted to book an outside/ third party company to decorate the room.”

     

A TWIG CHANDELIER AND MR DOODLE GRAFFITI WALLS AT THE EXHIBITIONIST

Highlights for us were those items of furniture that were created largely by stapling together books from a second-hand bookstore nearby, that had been forced to close and dispose of their stock, as well as the flower and feather dress on a dressmaker’s mannequin, and the chandelier in the lobby (not the bar), which is made of twigs from a tree. Our favourite corridor was the one painted by Sam Cox, also known as Mr Doodle, which reminded us of Keith Haring.

     

FOOD AND DRINK AT THE EXHIBITIONIST HOTEL

With regards to food and drink, the situation was not that bad. There are plenty of good restaurants within 15 minutes’ walk. We enjoyed burgers at Five Guys, 5 minutes’ walk away. Other restaurants we would recommend in the area include Coco Momo (££-£££, American, 11mins walk), Phat Phuc Noodle Bar (£, Vietnamese, mostly heated outdoor seating, 15mins), Launceston Place (££££, English, 12mins).

 

 

 

The Exhibitionist hotel’s pleasant bar has very reasonably priced (around the £12 mark) cocktails and a daily happy hour from 5 to 9pm (2 for 1), so we shared two cocktails before calling it a day. At the bar or from your room (at no additional charge), you can also order freshly baked pizza with toppings of your choice (£12.50 for the Margherita, £1 to £2 for each additional topping), 5 different starters/small bites (incl. gyoza or chicken wings for around £12) and 5 different mains (incl. spaghetti carbonara, butter chicken, or Thai curry for £15 each).

 

BREAKFAST AT THE EXHIBITIONIST

We skipped the breakfast the next morning. For £16 per person it is cheap by London standards, but it seems that it has not attracted excessive praise over the years. So we grabbed some croissants from Gail’s nearby on our way to work (me returning to my home office, Ellie going to a client’s office).

 

CONCLUSION OF OUR REVIEW

Now, what did we think about The Exhibitionist hotel? If you avoid the main season with its steep prices, the value for money is pretty decent, possibly even phenomenal, depending on the price of the room or suite. Just be aware that not everything will be perfect and that it will not be a five-star experience. 3.75 out of 5 from us.

Looking for more ideas about things to do in London? Feel welcome to check out my posts about Moco, the Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art, Frameless, the immersive art experience (right next to Moco), the Michelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael exhibition at the Royal Academy, the Van Gogh exhibition at the National Gallery, the play Hold On To Your Butts at the Arcola Theatre, 1927’s Please Right Back at the Southbank Centre, Barshu restaurant in Soho, RAI in Bloomsbury, and our tours of London in a helicopter and a kayak. I’ve also written about our trips to Bhutan, Nepal, Tanzania, Papua New Guinea, Porto, Spitsbergen, and Dubai, as well as about a motocross taster course, my rides on a jetlev, a flyboard, and in a powerboat, a rage buggy, and my attempt to row the Northwest Passage earlier this year.

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